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Добавлено: 29 ноя 2007, 16:02
Joke 559: 400 Bricks
Put 400 bricks in a closed room. Put your new hires in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours. Then analyze the situation:
If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in top management.
Finally! If they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor hear what you say to them. Put them in Congress!
Joke 557: 2 Times 2
Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is 2 x 2 ?”
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it’s old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces “3.99″.
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces “it lies between 3.98 and 4.02″.
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: “I don’t know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!”.
Philosopher smiles: “But what do you mean by 2 x 2 ?”
Logician replies: “Please define 2 x 2 more precisely.”
The sociologist: “I don’t know, but is was nice talking about it”.
Behavioral Ecologist: “A polygamous mating system”.
Medical Student: “4″
All others looking astonished: “How did you know?”
Medical Student: “I memorized it.”
Joke 556: Best “Out of Office” Automatic e-mail Replies
I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
I’ve run away to join a different circus.
I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Loretta’ instead of ‘Bob’
Put 400 bricks in a closed room. Put your new hires in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours. Then analyze the situation:
If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in top management.
Finally! If they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor hear what you say to them. Put them in Congress!
Joke 557: 2 Times 2
Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is 2 x 2 ?”
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it’s old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces “3.99″.
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces “it lies between 3.98 and 4.02″.
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: “I don’t know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!”.
Philosopher smiles: “But what do you mean by 2 x 2 ?”
Logician replies: “Please define 2 x 2 more precisely.”
The sociologist: “I don’t know, but is was nice talking about it”.
Behavioral Ecologist: “A polygamous mating system”.
Medical Student: “4″
All others looking astonished: “How did you know?”
Medical Student: “I memorized it.”
Joke 556: Best “Out of Office” Automatic e-mail Replies
I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
I’ve run away to join a different circus.
I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Loretta’ instead of ‘Bob’
