Анекдотов

[nonn]

НЕ анекдотов
Константина Райкина уволили из театральной школы Константина Райкина

[Victoria]

Арестован ректор Высшей школы искусств, который недавно уволил Константина Райкина из театральной школы. Его отправили под домашний арест по делу о мошенничестве.

[elena S.]

- Великий русский композитор Сергей Рахманинов сначала не понял революцию и уехал в Швецию.
- А потом?
- А потом понял и переехал в Америку.

[elena S.]

[Elentane]

у хирурга и анестезиолога, которые будут оперировать путина, есть шанс получить нобелевскую премию мира .)

[elena S.]

Zelenskyy: Macron asked Ukraine to make concessions to help Putin save face.
‘We won’t help Putin save face by paying with our territory,’ Ukrainian president says.

"Сохраним лицо путина вместе!"
Ассоциация таксидермистов Украины.

[elena S.]

[elena S.]

[3ABXO3]

[Marmot]

At a winery, the regular wine taster had died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
An old drunkard, with a ragged and dirty look came in to apply for the position:
The director of the winery wondered how to nicely send him away in this all too Politically Correct world.

He gave him a glass of their low-end wine to drink.
The old drunk sipped it and without the traditional sniffing or swirling said.
“It’s Muscatel, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”
“That’s correct.” Said the boss.

Then he gave him another glass.
“This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. It requires three more years for the finest results.”
“That’s Correct.”

And he gave him a third glass.
“It’s a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive.” The old drunk man said calmly.
The director was astonished.

He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something.
She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.

The alcoholic tried it of course.
“It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don’t get the job I’ll name the father!”

[Marmot]

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So, I went to a shrink and told him: "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink.
"Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"One hundred fifty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it," I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" He asked

"Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money
that I went and bought a new pickup truck."

"Is that so?" With a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now."

It's always better to get a second opinion

[Hairy Potter]

Торт "Макрон" - такой же, как "Наполеон", только без яиц!

[Marmot]

Торт "Макрон" - такой же, как "Наполеон", только без яиц!

О, в тему:
https://autos.yahoo.com/florida-man-pas ... 00159.html

The driver and passenger were apparently driving northbound in an SUV on North Ocean Boulevard when the driver became distracted by his passenger's performance and crossed the center line, striking the delivery van as it traveled southbound near the intersection with Northwest 19th St. Neither occupant of the FedEx vehicle was injured; the only package harmed was the one being attentively gift-wrapped by the passenger of the SUV.

[Stanislav]

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now."

Так вот почему у местных кроватей такие короткие ножки!

[peterburjenka]

За что пина забанили ?