Прикол next

[Ludovik]

Вроде не прикол. НО все же...
Встречайте Бакстера

[Скрипка]

Встречайте Бакстера

Представила себе такого уродца в моем рабочем тиме: с утра ездит, подносы с завтраком развозит, потом по моей команде кого надо раком нагнул, свечечку двумя клеммами взял, в вазелин обмакнул и фьить!.. А я сижу в мягком кресле перед большим экраном за пультом управления Бакстером, джойстиком двигаю, кофе попиваю, кондиционер приятно шумит горной прохладой...

[TOLM]

Кто пропустил лингвистический опус в отношении путина

http://newsru.co.il/world/08may2013/shapovalov456.html

[AlexeyUat]

Представила себе такого уродца в моем рабочем тиме: с утра ездит, подносы с завтраком развозит, потом по моей команде кого надо раком нагнул, свечечку двумя клеммами взял, в вазелин обмакнул и фьить!.. А я сижу в мягком кресле перед большим экраном за пультом управления Бакстером, джойстиком двигаю, кофе попиваю, кондиционер приятно шумит горной прохладой...

Проблема в том, что Бакстер прекрасно справится и без вас. "Скрипач не нужен." (с)

[Скрипка]

Ну, тады ему бы еще белого коня!...

[Vlada]

[Vlada]

[simon]

[Victor Okunev]

Costco Doctor

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind
him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - A lot cheaper than a
doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco.

He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample.... He pours the sample into the slot and waits..

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity.. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Costco.."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good
measure.

Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results.. He deposits
ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results .

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm.. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab..
4.. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours... Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Costco!

[Ludovik]

There was this robbery in Guangzhou , the robber shouted to everyone: "All don't move, money belongs to the state, life belongs to you".

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept --> Changing the conventional way of thinking".
-------------------------------------------------
One lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her "Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional --> Focus only on what you are trained to do!"
-------------------------------------------------
When the robbers got back, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who is only primary school educated), "Big bro, let's count how much we got", the older robber rebutted and said, "You very stupid, so much money, how to count, tonight TV will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience --> nowadays experience is more important than paper qualifications!"
-------------------------------------------------

After the robbers left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. The supervisor says "Wait, wait wait, let's put the 5 million RMB we embezzled into the amount the robbers robbed".

This is called "Swim with the tide --> converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!"
-------------------------------------------------

The supervisor says "It will be good if there is a robbery every month".

This is called "Killing Boredom --> Happiness is most important."
-------------------------------------------------

The next day, TV news reported that 100 million RMB was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million RMB. The robbers were very angry and complained "We risked our lives and only took 20 million RMB, the bank manager took 80 million RMB with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold !"
-------------------------------------------------

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his loss in the CINOPEC shares are now covered by this robbery.

This is called "Seizing the opportunity --> daring to take risks!"

[Гудвин]

ЖЕНА УЗНАВ, ЧТО МУЖ УХОДИТ К МОЛОДОЙ ЛЮБОВНИЦЕ, ВЫШЛА ЗАМУЖ ЗА ОТЦА ЛЮБОВНИЦЫ!И СТАЛА МУЖУ ТЁЩЕЙ!!!)))

[Stanislav]

+ 9489 – [:||||:] Поделиться 2013-05-27 12:45 #422721
случай на задержании. работает группа спецназа, сидят в машине у дома подозреваемого, которого подставной чел про предлогом пообщаться попросил спуститься. открывается дверь подъезда, высовывается голова мужика, но на улицу выходить не собирается, ищет глазами кто с ним встретиться хотел. группа принимает решение идти на захват, т.к. в дом потом не попадут. и тут картина маслом: вылетают из машины дядьки в масках, понимают, что добежать точно не успеют, щас дверь подъезда захлопнет, и тут один спецназовец как заорет:
- Мужик, дверь подержи!!!
и он подержал.....

[Alesanda]

ЖЕНА УЗНАВ, ЧТО МУЖ УХОДИТ К МОЛОДОЙ ЛЮБОВНИЦЕ, ВЫШЛА ЗАМУЖ ЗА ОТЦА ЛЮБОВНИЦЫ!И СТАЛА МУЖУ ТЁЩЕЙ!!!)))

[elena S.]

[Vlada]

[youtube

ой спасибо, прям оттянулась по полной, в особенности под Gangnam Style